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When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.