Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I always keep a google search for "how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them" open on my phone in case anyone steals it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.