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I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
is "insert clever remark here."
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"