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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.