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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.