Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
Iām always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
Iād go to the gym but Iām still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"