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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.