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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?