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Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"