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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
How long does it take to get obsessed?
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.