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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`