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I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.