Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.