Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.