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If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.