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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.