Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
I put the hot in psychotic.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2