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Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.