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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Don`t believe everything you think.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...