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Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then Iām assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.