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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.