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I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car