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You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.