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I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them