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Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?
It’s not pretty being easy.