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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.