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I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
My anger management class pisses me off
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores