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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.