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So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Honk if you are reading this.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.