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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
This century is already 15% over.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!