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I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5