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I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
The future was so much cooler in the past.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?