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I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.