Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.