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My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?