Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.