Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.