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Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.