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Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.