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My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
I hate when Iām comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.