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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-