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I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?