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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
My body needs a refresh button.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden