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I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.