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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
My therapist just offered me my money back.
it`s friday o clock
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!