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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
I have off-road rage, too
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.