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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Gun Control: Use both hands
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
I get as much action as a white crayon.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.