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I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".