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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels