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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice