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Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."