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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
A man is as faithful as his options
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.