Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.