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I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?