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Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.